My living room floor in Houston currently looks like Chase and Marshall had a very messy disagreement with a paper shredder. After trying to scrape three thousand tiny yellow paper lightning bolts off my damp kitchen floor with a credit card while my nephew Leo screamed because I wouldn’t let him eat a crayon, I…
Leo’s third birthday on April 12, 2025, started with a literal bang when a balloon popped near his ear, but the real chaos began when ten toddlers descended on my Denver backyard to find hidden plastic dinosaurs. I had spent three weeks obsessing over finding the best scavenger hunt party supplies because my wife, Jen,…
Help! Easter is NEXT weekend and I’m totally unprepared! Hey everyone, Lincoln here. Usually, I’m the guy who has Christmas decorations up in October and spreadsheets for Asher’s birthday party in February. I really do try to plan months out, especially with teaching first grade and my son, Asher (he’s 7 now!), being in Cub…
I stared at the kitchen island on March 12, 2024, feeling like a failure as a father because I couldn’t find a single disco party party favors set that didn’t look like a potential choking hazard or a toxic waste spill. My daughter Chloe was turning six in forty-eight hours. She wanted “glitter, dancing, and…
My son Leo turned five on July 12, 2024, and the heat in Atlanta was thick enough to chew. We had twelve kids vibrating with sugar in my backyard, and I realized too late that I had forgotten the most basic element of a chaotic carnival: the noise. I stood there, a single dad holding…
My living room smelled like grape juice and wet dog on April 12, 2025. It was Leo’s fourth birthday, and I had somehow convinced myself that a “Butterfly Garden” theme was a great idea for a dozen chaotic toddlers in the middle of a Portland spring. The rain was drumming against the windows in that…
My Chicago bungalow was smelling like toasted cumin and mild panic last May 15th as I watched a gust of wind rip through the backyard. I had fifteen 12-year-olds coming over for Leo and Maya’s twin graduation bash, and my cheap tape was failing me. One side of the “Taco ’Bout a Future” sign dangled…
Twenty five-year-olds hyped on yellow food dye and buttercream frosting is a force of nature. I teach kindergarten in Houston, Texas. I throw at least six major classroom parties a year. You learn survival skills fast in this job. Last October 12, I hosted Leo’s fifth birthday in my room during the last hour of…
My kitchen floor was a literal sea of red, blue, and gold crepe paper by 7:30 AM last Saturday, April 12, 2025. Sam, my youngest who just hit the big five, was already vibrating with enough energy to power the entire city of Portland. He wanted the “super-duper hero party,” and as a mom of…
My twins, Leo and Maya, just turned three. Right now, they only care about two things: eating my secret stash of cheddar bunnies and watching their older cousin play video games. Specifically, the blocky, chaotic ones. Naturally, when their birthday rolled around this past April 16th, I had to figure out exactly how to throw…
