My living room rug still has a faint green tint if you look closely near the sofa. That stain is the ghost of Toby’s 7th birthday party on October 12, 2023. Twenty second-graders trapped inside a suburban Portland house because of a massive rainstorm. Muddy socks. Screaming. Flying wrapping paper. If you are frantically searching…
Leo and Maya stared at me with those wide, eight-year-old eyes that usually mean I am about to lose a lot of money or my mind. They wanted a rainbow party. Not just any rainbow party, but a “super-bright-mega-rainbow” extravaganza in our cramped Logan Square apartment. I looked at our bank account. I looked at…
Austin in mid-April is basically a humidity-soaked floral explosion, which made it the perfect backdrop for my niece Maya’s third birthday last year. I remember standing in my kitchen on April 12th, surrounded by three different shades of purple crepe paper and a lukewarm oat milk latte, wondering if I was actually going to pull…
Leo and Maya hit twelve on a rainy Saturday last October, and I was determined not to let a “tween” attitude ruin my streak of legendary, low-budget bashes. We live in a cramped three-flat near the Logan Square Blue Line stop, so space is tight, but our creativity is usually bottomless. My twins wanted a…
My son Leo turned eleven last month on March 14th, and he made a request that stopped me mid-sip of my lukewarm Denver coffee. He wanted a Paw Patrol party. Yes, for an eleven-year-old. He called it a “Vintage Rescue Squad Training Camp,” but we all knew he just missed the simple heroics of Chase…
My kitchen smelled like frozen pepperoni and desperation on the morning of March 12, 2024. Leo and Sam, my twins, were turning six, and they had decided—with the stubborn intensity only kindergartners possess—that they needed a professional-grade NASCAR experience in our cramped Chicago basement. I had exactly $100 in my “fun fund” and a mounting…
My daughter Chloe turned twelve on April 12, 2026, and apparently, that means she is now a “refined lady of leisure” who requires a full-service afternoon tea. Being a safety-obsessed dad in Denver, my first thought wasn’t the scones or the finger sandwiches. It was the lead. Finding the best cups for tea party party…
Standing in the middle of Sloan’s Lake Park here in Denver on May 12, 2025, I stared at a literal mountain of lime green streamers and wondered if I had finally lost my mind. My son, Leo, was turning seven, and his one non-negotiable demand was a party themed after a show usually reserved for…
Last May, I stood in my friend Lisa’s kindergarten classroom at 1:47 PM watching 21 kids in wobbly grad caps try to sing “This Little Light of Mine” while their parents filmed on phones. One boy kept pulling his cap over his eyes. A girl in the front row was singing the wrong words with…
My living room looked like a scene from a low-budget action movie last March, specifically around 2:00 PM on the 12th. I had seventeen five-year-olds vibrating with sugar-induced energy, all of them convinced they were masters of spinjitzu. My nephew Leo, the birthday boy, was currently attempting a “stealth move” that involved knocking over a…
